Blind As A Fat
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: Cartman pretends to be blind. That is all


We open to Cartman exiting the Bijou theatre.

Cartman: It didn't deserve best picture. Koreans are good with missiles but not movies.

Suddenly he heard a bunch of babies crying.

And those babies were the PC Babies.

Cartman: I didn't like reading subtitles!

The PC Babies continued to cry.

Cartman: Why can't I have an opinion?! Just because I hate some foreign film doesn't mean I'm racist! Where the fuck are your parents?! Huh?!

The PC Babies continued to cry.

Cartman: Well fuck you!

Cartman started to walk away.

Cartman: Stupid society. I wish there was a way to make people-

Suddenly somebody hit Cartman with a stick.

Cartman: What the fuck?!

The person was wearing blacked out glasses and had a stick.

Cartman: What the fuck is your problem?!

Man: Are you talking to me?

Cartman: Yes! You hit me with your stick!

Man: Oh my God! I am so sorry. I'm blind you see, I'm so sorry if I caused you any problems.

Cartman: You caused me problems, I was assaulted by a guy who can't see!

Cartman started to walk away.

Cartman: Stupid blind person. I doubt he's even blind, I think it's just a stupid excuse for him to hit me.

Cartman continued to walk but than, he stopped.

Cartman: Wait, he's pretending to be blind so he could hit me.

Suddenly a street light above him turned on.

Cartman: Holy shit! _I've got a new golden ticket. I've got a new golden ticket. I've got a new golden twinkle in my eyes._

Cartman started to run home.

Cartman: _I've got a new golden ticket. I've got a new golden twinkle in my eyes._

Later.

Cartman residence.

Cartman is in bed thinking.

Cartman (Speaking in his thoughts): How do I make myself blind? Do I just have to throw chemicals in my face? No, that would be painful.(Cartman sat up) I can't pretend to be blind, I pretended I had Tourette's syndrome that one time.

Cartman than lied down thinking again.

Cartman than chuckled.

Cartman (Speaking in his thoughts): I definitely remember that one time, where Stan asked Mephesto to help him grow boobs and a moustache because he wanted a period. Ha ha ha! Wait a minute if Mephesto can do that, than he might have something to make me blind.

Cartman grinned.

Cartman (Speaking in his thoughts) Best idea ever.

The next day.

Mephesto's laboratory.

Mephesto: So Eric what brings you here?

Cartman: Mephesto, I want to be blind.

Mephesto: Why do you want to be blind?

Cartman: Why is that a concern?

Mephesto: Well because no one's asked me to make them blind before, so why now?

Cartman was trying to think of a lie, but he eventually thought of one.

Cartman: You see, the other day I insulted Stevie Wonder and I felt so bad because I didn't realise he was blind. So I decided to be blind so I know how he felt.

Mephesto: Wow. That is very noble of you Eric. I mean I once insulted William Shatner for being deaf, so I made myself deaf just to be a little fair. I'm currently deaf right now.

Cartman: How are you hearing me?

Mephesto: What?

Cartman: Never mind. Give me the magic juice that makes me temporarily blind for a day.

Mephesto: Ok.

Mephesto leads Cartman into his magic juices room.

Mephesto hands Cartman a dark red liquid substance.

Cartman: Thanks.

Mephesto: What?

Cartman was about to leave the laboratory.

Mephesto: What about my 43 dollars?

Cartman: I have a 50 will that be fine.

Mephesto: Sure.

Cartman hands Mephesto the dollar note.

Mephesto inspects the note further and realised it was a one.

Mephesto: Is this a joke? I'm deaf you kn-

Mephesto realised Cartman was gone.

Mephesto sighed.

Later that night.

Cartman was getting ready to go to sleep, but before he could go to sleep, he grabbed the cylinder and drank from it.

Cartman: Fuck! That tasted horrible!

Cartman ran to the bathroom and grabbed some soap and started washing his tongue.

Cartman: Oh fuck! That tasted even worse!

Cartman turned on the tap from the sink and grabbed and handful of water and splashed the water on his tongue.

The next day.

Cartman residence.

Liane was brushing her teeth until she heard screaming.

Liane ran into Cartman's room.

Liane: Sweetie what's wrong?

Cartman was sitting on his bed looking scared.

Cartman: Mom is that you?

Laine: Poopsikins?

Cartman: Mom, I cant see. I can't see!

Later at the doctors.

Cartman was sitting on the exam bed whilst his Mom was at his side comforting him.

A doctor came into the room with the results.

Doctor: Ok, I've got the results.

Liane: And?

Doctor: He's totally blind.

Liane: Oh my poor baby! My poor baby! How did this happen?

Liane started crying.

Doctor: That's what we're trying to figure out. Did he have any shots recently?

Liane: No, not really. He refuses shots.

Cartman: Couldn't I have developed the blindness?

Doctor: It's kind of concerning because blindness sometimes develops when you're over 50. So this is a rare occurrence when the blindness developed when you're 10 years old.

Cartman: So now what? Do I get blacked out sunglasses and a stick?

Doctor: If you wish for that, than yes.

Cartman: Alright-I mean oh ok. Yeah, than I'll have that.

South Park elementary.

Cartman was walking down the hallway whilst tapping his stick on the floor and Butters was helping him out.

Butters: Make way. Eric's coming through. He's blind now.

Cartman: That's right, I'm blind so I'm very (Cartman hits Butters with his stick) sorry if I hit you with my stick.

All the other students start staring at Cartman with doubt.

Kyle: You're faking it.

Cartman starts to get angry.

Cartman: How dare you Khal?!

Clyde: I'm not Kyle.

Cartman was pointing his stick at Clyde.

Butters: Sorry.

Butters moves Cartman to where Kyle was.

Butters: Ok, you can point your stick.

Cartman: How dare you Khal?!

Cartman hits his stick at Kyle.

Kyle: Remember that time when you had Tourette's syndrome? You were faking that.

Cartman: But I'm seriously blind.

Stan: Yeah right. Like we'll all fall for that. Right guys?

Everyone: We won't.

The other students continue doing their everyday activities.

Cartman: Oh fuck you guys! Not taking my blindness seriously.

Later.

Principal's office.

Cartman: I find it very intolerable that they seem to think it's ok to not take my blindness seriously! They think I'm faking it.

Butters: Um Eric.

Cartman: Not now Butters. Point I'm trying to make PC Principal is, I want people to take the fact that I'm blind seriously.

Butters: Eric you're facing the door.

Cartman: I am? (Cartman turns around to face PC Principal) Sorry PC-

PC Principal: Don't apologise Eric. As a person of PC culture I will do my best to make students understand that your blindness is not a joke. Just tell me the names of the students who didn't take your blindness seriously.

Cartman: Thank you PC Principal.

Later.

The students who insulted Cartman were in the office.

Those students were all of the fourth grade class.

Kyle: Is there something wrong PC Principal?

PC Principal: Why do you students think it's funny to make fun of Eric Cartman's blindness?

Kyle: Because he's faking it.

Stan: Yeah, we know Cartman a lot better than you PC Principal.

PC Principal: You think you do?! He may have faked some disabilities in the past, but that still doesn't give you the right to mock the fact he's blind!

Butters: He's actually blind fellas.

Stan: Oh Butters, not you too.

Cartman: Oh you think I'm not blind?!

Cartman takes off his shades to reveal his grey eyes.

Cartman: Do you?

Craig: Those are some really good contacts lenses. Can you see this?

Craig flips Cartman off.

Cartman: What are you doing?

Butters: He's flipping you the bird.

PC Principal: That's it! All of you except Stotch and Cartman have detention for four weeks!

Cartman: Yeah! Do you hear that?!

Cartman uses his stick to poke Craig in the eye.

Craig: Ow! That fucking hurt you faker!

PC Principal: Eight weeks detention for you Tucker!

Craig: Oh fuck you.

Later at recess.

The boys (Except for Cartman and Butters) were chatting by the swing set.

Kyle: How can PC Principal fall for this? He's obviously not blind.

Token: I know, I mean we all can't blame him for being mostly stupid despite his knowledge of cultures.

Clyde: So what do we do?

Kyle: I say we go to Cartman's house tonight and prove he is-

Stan: Kyle shut up, here he comes.

Cartman and Butters walk to the group.

Cartman: Are they there?

Butters: Yes they are.

Cartman: Let me walk up to Khal.

Butters walked Cartman to Kyle.

Cartman: So, you think ripping on me for being blind is funny?

Kyle: I know you aren't blind Cartman.

Cartman hits Kyle with his stick.

Cartman: Oh yeah Khal! Where's the proof?

Kyle: You must think we're all stupid.

Cartman: Blindness isn't a joke Khal!

Kyle: I know. But you're using blindness in an effort to harass us by-

Cartman hits Kyle with his stick.

Cartman: By what Khal?

Kyle: By-

Cartman hits Kyle with his stick again.

Cartman: Sorry that was on accident.

Kyle: You're pretending to be blind so you-

Cartman hits Kyle with his stick again.

Kyle: Stop hitting me!

Cartman: I'm sorry Khal. It's not my fault I'm blind. Enjoy your day you blind hating fucks. Butters, lead me to the bathroom.

Butters hold Cartman to walk him to the bathroom.

As soon as Cartman got away Kyle continued talking.

Kyle: As I was saying. I say we sneak into his house when he's asleep and try and prove he isn't blind.

Token: That doesn't sound like a bad idea.

Stan: I'm with you Kyle.

Clyde: Same.

Timmy: TIMMAY!

Later at Cartman residence.

Kyle, Stan, Timmy, Clyde, Token and Scott snuck inside.

Kyle (Whispering): Ok me, Stan, Scott and Timmy will go into Cartman's room, Clyde and Token keep guard. And give us a signal.

Clyde (Whispering): What should the signal be?

Kyle (Whispering): I don't know.

Clyde (Whispering): Can it be bird calls?

Kyle (Whispering): No. Look if Cartman's Mom or his cat come anywhere near his room, run into his room that way we know she's here.

Clyde: Ok.

Kyle, Stan, Timmy and Scott walk into Cartman's room.

Kyle (Whispering): We'll see if you're blind now you fat fuck.

Kyle opens one of Cartman's eyelids.

Stan (Whispering): Those are some really good contact lenses.

Scott starts touching one of the eyes.

Kyle (Whispering): Scott!

Scott (Whispering): What?

Kyle (Whispering): Don't do that.

Scott (Whispering): Why? I was checking if he was wearing any contacts. And he isn't.

Kyle (Whispering): What?

Kyle started poking Cartman's eye.

Kyle (Whispering): Holy shit dude. He's blind. Oh fuck.

Stan (Whispering): I guess we do deserve the detention.

Timmy (Whispering): Timmy.

Kyle (Whispering): Come on, we'll take the rest of the detention tomorrow and the next four weeks.

They leave the room, but before Timmy left he takes the glass cylinder from Cartman's bedside desk.

Timmy examines it.

Timmy (Whispering): Timmy?

The next day.

Cartman woke up.

Cartman got out of bed and grabbed his blacked out glasses.

That was when Cartman realised he can see.

Cartman was shocked.

Cartman (Whispering): Holy fuck, I can see. Well I did request the juice to be temporary.

Cartman puts on his blacked out glasses and grabbed his stick.

Cartman: Mom I'm up!

Later in the school gym.

PC Principal: Alright everybody listen up, I don't know why the majority of you think it's funny to not take a certain students blindness seriously. But the fact is, this certain student is blind and we should be respectful towards this student. Will Eric Cartman please take stage?

Cartman walked on stage whilst being guided by Butters.

Cartman: Where's the mic?

Butters: You're standing in front of it.

Cartman: Thank you. Hello everyone. I don't know why you're not taking my blindness seriously, but I'll have you know (Cartman hits Butters with his stick) that I am blind and I'm not (Cartman hits Butters with his stick again) faking it. So I'm terribly sorry if I hit you (Cartman hits Butters with his stick again) with my stick. Because it is unintentional. (Cartman hits Butters with his stick again). So I will appreciate it if everyone will support me.

Everyone starts clapping, whilst Cartman was shocked.

Cartman: Are they clapping for me?

Butters: Yeah.

Cartman was annoyed.

Later at lunch.

Butters was holding two lunch trays whilst accompanying Cartman.

Cartman: Excuse me (Hits Scott with his stick) blind person coming (Hits Bebe with his stick) through. I am so sorry (Cartman kicks Ike) if I hit you.

Cartman and Butters made it to the boys table.

Cartman: Are we here Butters?

Butters: Yes we are.

Butters places the tray on the table.

Cartman: Help me up.

Butters try's to lift Cartman on the table, but he was too heavy.

But Butters got some help from Stan and Kenny.

Cartman: Thank (Cartman hits Kenny with his stick) you.

Token: So how goes being blind Cartman?

Cartman: Well I can't see (Cartman hits Stan with his stick) you assholes. Which is per-

Butters: Open wide Eric.

Cartman: Ok.

Cartman opens his mouth and Butters feeds Cartman a bit of his pizza.

Kyle: Cartman for once, I'm actually apologising to you.

Cartman: For what?

Kyle: I'm sorry I thought you were faking your blindness.

Cartman: Uh ok.

Cartman hits Butters with his stick again.

Stan: No Cartman we're serious. We're sorry we thought you were faking your blindness.

Cartman: So you're not gonna overreact when I hit you with my stick.

Token: Of course not. You can't help it.

Cartman: But will either of you react if I insult you?

Kyle: Well I can't ignore the fact you're a mean fuck.

Cartman: But you don't find it annoying that I'm blind?

Butters: No Eric. Everyone feels sorry for you.

Cartman was shocked.

Later in the bathroom.

Cartman was in a stall talking to himself.

Cartman: They don't care I'm blind, even when I hit them with a stick. Except when I insult them. This is fucking bullshit! I have to come out to them that I'm not blind. No Eric, if they find out you're not blind than PC Principal will kick your ass for mocking the blind. Looks like you have to pull a Jennifer Lawrence, pretend to be something you're not.

Butters: You finished in there Eric?

Cartman: Uh yes! Sorry!

Cartman flushes the toilet, puts on his blacked out sunglasses and exits the stall.

Butters: Ready?

Cartman hits Butters with his stick.

Cartman: Yeah.

Butters and Cartman walk out of the bathroom.

Whilst Timmy watched on with suspicion.

Timmy pulls out the glass cylinder and examines it.

Timmy: Timmy.

Timmy notices the "M" symbol engraved in the cylinder.

Timmy: Timmy?

He looks at the cylinder further and it said "M for Mephesto" .

Timmy: Timmy.

At the end of detention.

Timmy goes to Mephesto's laboratory and knocks on his door.

Mephesto answered.

Mephesto: Why hello there. What can I do for you?

Timmy shows Mephesto the cylinder.

Mephesto: What?

Timmy: Timmy! Timmy, Timmy! Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

Mephesto: Uhhhh.

Timmy sighed.

Timmy: Timmy.

Timmy leaves the front entrance.

At some comedy club, Jimmy was on stage.

Jimmy: I bought some shoes from a d-drug dealer, I don't kn-kn-know what he laced him with be-be-be-be-

Suddenly Timmy shows up on stage and grabs him by the ear and starts pulling him away.

Jimmy: Timmy not now.

Mephesto's laboratory.

Mephesto was still standing by the front entrance and Timmy and Jimmy showed up.

Timmy lets go of Jimmy's ear.

Jimmy: W-why am I here?

Timmy: Timmy.

Jimmy: You need me as a-a-a-a translator?

Timmy: Timmy.

Jimmy: Ok than.

Mephesto: Well what was he saying?

Timmy: Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

Jimmy: He's asking, what w-w-was in this cylinder?

Mephesto: Where did you get it from?

Timmy: Timmy.

Jimmy: E-Eric Cartman.

Mephesto: Oh, it was a substance that could temporarily make him blind.

Timmy: Timmy?

Jimmy: W-w-why?

Mephesto: He said he insulted Stevie Wonder and he felt bad for it. What did he tell you?

Timmy: Timmy, Timmy.

Jimmy: He told us it happened na-na-na-naturally.

Mephesto: Oh. Well I don't know what to say about that because I'm more busy making magic juices.

Timmy: Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

Jimmy: H-how long does it last?

Mephesto: 24 hours. But it takes a few hours to kick in.

Timmy: Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

Jimmy: So h-he was faking it all along.

Later.

Timmy and Jimmy are by the sidewalk shocked.

Jimmy: I can't believe we wer-wer-wer-wer-were tricked.

Timmy: Timmy.

Jimmy: And of all the pe-pe-people to figure this out, it had to be you Timmy.

Timmy: Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

Jimmy: I know. Usually this kind of sh-sh-sh-shit would be reserved for St-St-St-Stan and Kyle.

Timmy: Timmy.

Jimmy: What are we g-gonna do?

Timmy: Timmy, Timmy.

Jimmy: How? How are we gonna pro-pro-prove it Timmy? Everybody's falling for it.

Timmy: Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Livin A Lie, Timmy.

Jimmy: You're right. He's eye pupils could be nor-nor-normal since the effect has worn out.

Timmy: Timmy!

Jimmy: It's about time the f-fat son of a bitch gets what he de-deserves.

The next day.

Cartman was walking through the cafeteria with Butters guiding him.

Cartman: Make way.

Cartman hits Kevin Stoley with his stick.

Cartman: Sorry. Make way.

Cartman hits Dog Poo with his stick.

Cartman: Sorry. Make way.

Cartman kicks Scott Malkinson.

Cartman: Sorry.

Scott: What an extraordinary guy.

Cartman took a seat at the boys table with the help from Butters and Stan.

Luckily Jimmy was sitting right next to Cartman.

Jimmy: Hello E-E-Eric.

Cartman: Hey, Jimmy what's up?

Jimmy: Nothing, it's just great see-see-seeing you.

Awkward silence.

Jimmy: What a terrific au-au-audience.

Stan: Jimmy even for you that's pretty mean spirited.

Jimmy: What's wrong with a bit of i-i-i-irony fellas?

Kyle: Jimmy, Cartman's blind and you-

Cartman: Relax guys, he's just having a joke.

Jimmy: I can't believe you're blind E-E-Eric.

Cartman: Me neither Jimmy. Not the first time I've been blind.

Jimmy: Did you say it happened nat-nat-naturally?

Cartman: Yeah it did.

Silence.

Jimmy: Ok Eric, it's about time y-you quit b-b-bullshitting. You're not blind.

Cartman: What do you mean Jimmy?

Jimmy: You're not blind. You're faking a dis-dis-disability as an advantage.

Timmy wheeled up behind Cartman.

Timmy: Timmy.

Stan: Jimmy, Timmy what's going on?

Jimmy: Don't you get i-it Stan? Eric's been fak-faking his blindness sort of.

Cartman: What do you mean Jimmy?

Jimmy: You drank a magic juice from Me-Me-Me-Mephesto that temporarily made you blind for 24 hours. Now you're faking your bli-blindness since the effects have worn off.

Cartman: What are you talking about Jimmy?

Jimmy: Let's take a l-l-l-look at those eyes!

Jimmy uses his crutches to knock Cartman's blacked out glasses off his face.

After that Jimmy is shocked to see that Cartman's eyes were grey.

Jimmy was shocked at the discovery.

The other boys stared at him with displeasure.

Stan: What the hell is wrong with you Jimmy?

Jimmy: But we sw-swear. He was fak-

Jimmy suddenly came to a realisation.

Jimmy: You son of a bitch. You were wa-watching us.

Cartman: How can I Jimmy?

Jimmy: You son of a bitch!

Jimmy hits Cartman with his crutches.

Causing Cartman to fall to the floor.

Everyone was staring at Jimmy with shock.

Jimmy realised what he did.

Timmy: Jimmy!

Jimmy: What have I-I-I-I done?

PC Principal enters the dining room looking displeased.

Jimmy: Oh f-f-f-f-fuck.

Later.

Timmy was waiting outside the office.

PC Principal (Off-screen): Who do you think you are Valmer?! Beating on a blind kid like that! You're getting four months detention! I hope you're happy!

Jimmy exits the office looking displeased.

Timmy: Timmy?

Jimmy: I don't know what I'm g-g-going to do Timmy. Cartman's won.

Timmy: Jimmy?

Jimmy: Let's face it. He's g-g-g-gonna continue to take advantage of everybody and the more I say he's faking it th-th-th-the more people will turn against me. I'm just g-g-gonna have to face it aren't I? He's won.

Jimmy sits beside the wall and starts crying.

Timmy: Jimmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

Jimmy: Please don't use a mo-mo-motivational speech on me Timmy. It's not gonna work

Timmy: Jimmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. Cartman, livin a lie. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Jimmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

Jimmy wipes his tears.

Jimmy: You're right. And I t-think I have a plan.

The next day.

Cartman was walking down the hallway whilst being guided by Butters.

Butters: Coming through.

Cartman: I appreciate you (Cartman hits Butters with his stick) helping me around the (Cartman hits Butters with his stick again) skewl.

Butters: Well I can't just ignore the fact you're blind. I'm your little faggy friend like you said a million times.

Jimmy: Eric!

Cartman: Stop.

The two boys stopped.

Cartman: Turn me to face Jimmy.

Butters turns Cartman around so he could face Jimmy.

Jimmy: Eric! Your time of using blindness as an ad-advantage is over. I challenge you to a duel.

Cartman laughed.

Cartman: You can't fight me Jimmy, I'm blind.

Jimmy: W-w-well so am I. I am looking at you right?

Jimmy was actually facing a locker.

Timmy: Uh Jimmy.

Jimmy: Oh.

Jimmy turns 90 degrees to face Cartman.

Timmy: Uh Jimmy, Timmy.

Jimmy starts to move to the left.

Timmy: Jiiiiiiiiimmmy.

Jimmy stops.

Cartman: What's Jimmy doing?

Butters: He's standing in front of you.

Cartman: I kn-I mean I don't know that because I'm blind. But what is he doing apart from standing in front of me?

Butters: He's wearing blacked out glasses.

Cartman: Pretending to be blind Valmer?

Jimmy: L-l-look again.

Jimmy takes off his glasses and reveals to everyone that his eyes are grey.

Everyone gasped.

Cartman: What?

Butters: He's blind too.

Cartman: Oh come on. He's probably wearing contacts.

Jimmy: L-l-look again Eric.

Jimmy starts poking his eye to reveal that he isn't wearing any contacts.

Everyone gasped as well.

Stan: Does that even hurt?

Cartman: Oh right than. Come at me Jimmy.

Cartman starts to move forward whilst screaming.

Timmy: Jimmy!

Jimmy: Oh sorry.

Jimmy starts charging at Cartman.

Whilst charging at each other Cartman hits Jimmy with his stick.

Jimmy falls to the floor.

Cartman: I may be blind, but I can hear you.

Cartman approaches Jimmy.

But Jimmy uses his crutch to block one of Cartman's kicks.

Jimmy: B-but my reflexes are better.

Jimmy uses his other crutch to hit Cartman in the balls.

Cartman: Ow!

Jimmy gets up and hits Cartman with his crutch.

Jimmy hits Cartman a few times, but Cartman returns the punch.

Cartman punches Jimmy a few times and than he throws him to a wall.

Cartman: Ok which wall did I throw you at Jim?!

Kyle: How do you know he hit a wall?

Cartman quickly thought of a lie.

Cartman: Because I...identified the sound pattern fr-

Jimmy gets up and charges at Cartman.

Jimmy starts punching Cartman, one of the punches managed to knock Cartman's glasses off.

Cartman punches Jimmy.

Cartman: You son of a bitch!

Cartman picks up his glasses and realised everyone was watching him and they weren't happy.

Craig: You weren't blind?!

Cartman: Of course I'm blind guys.

Stan removes the glasses.

Stan: You're not blind.

Cartman: Stan what are you talking about? Hand me my-

Stan crushes the glasses.

Stan: I actually felt sympathy for you.

Kyle: I also have.

Kenny: You fat scumbag.

Wendy: But wait, what about the fact his eyes were grey?

Timmy shows everyone the glass cylinder.

Timmy: Timmy.

Jimmy: Eric used s-some kind of ma-ma-ma-magic juice to make himself temporarily b-b-blind.

Kyle: So Cartman was doing both?

Jimmy: Y-yes.

Kyle: You son of a bitch. I actually felt sorry for you.

Cartman: Come on guys (nervous laugh) it was all a joke.

Everyone glared at Cartman.

PC Principal showed up behind Cartman.

PC Principal: And for that Eric Cartman, you have 5 months detention!

Cartman: Goddammit.

PC Principal: And Valmer, your detention will be reduced to 5 days. And everyone else's remaining detention will be reduced to 1 week.

Everyone cheered.

Stan: Thanks Jimmy.

Jimmy: You're welcome S-S-S-Stan.

Timmy: Uh, Jimmy.

Jimmy was actually acknowledging Timmy.

Jimmy: Oh.

Timmy: Uh Jimmy, Timmy.

Jimmy turns 90 degrees to the right.

Jimmy: Y-y-you're welcome Stan.

The next day.

School cafeteria.

Clyde: Hey Craig, would you care to explain why the new Sonic movie is homophobic?

Craig: What do you mean?

Clyde: Well I saw the new Sonic movie and apparently people on the internet are saying there's a homophobic joke.

Craig: How the living fuck is it homophobic?

Jimmy was still wearing blacked out sunglasses.

Cartman: Why are you still wearing those glasses Jimmy? You're not blind.

Jimmy: No I temp-temp-temporarily made myself blind so I cou-cou-cou-could fuck you up.

Kyle: So is this a new kind of magic juice?

Jimmy: No I made my-myself blind the o-o-o-o-old fashioned way.

Flashback.

Jimmy and Timmy were at the Valmer residence in the kitchen.

Timmy was holding lemons that were chopped in half.

Timmy: Uh Jimmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy?

Jimmy: Y-y-y-yes I'm sure Ti-Ti-Ti-Timmy. Do it!

Timmy sticks the lemons in Jimmy's eyes.

Jimmy screams.

Timmy: Timmy?!

Jimmy: D-d-d-don't stop!


End file.
